i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
