Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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