ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
sarcasm needs its own font
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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