Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
