Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
