ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
