I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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