So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
