Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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