The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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