As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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