No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The uberlube is also flammable
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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