yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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