garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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