I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
