I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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