We're facebook friends in real life
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
