no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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