oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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