i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
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I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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