M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
