believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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