God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
