why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
