you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
