I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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