it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
