I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
