Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
