well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
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oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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