it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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