and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
