u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just found a bag of teeth...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
