I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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