The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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