So drunk its hurt
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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