yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
