..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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