pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
