dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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