I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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