I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
