maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's never too late to be topless.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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