That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
