even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize