Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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