I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
