And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
