She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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