Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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