Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
