i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
