The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
