i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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