my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
