4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Will you blow on my dice?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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