Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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