sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
