I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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