Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
