The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
