I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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