My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
