You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
