I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
