i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
