$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sext me about skeletons
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
