Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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